Review : 'The Human Centipede' (2010)

Did you see Hostel or Saw and go, "imagine if a film was MORE horrific and cruel than this, you'd implode as a viewer!"? When I saw the trailer for The Human Centipede I was deeply disturbed. I read reviews that proclaimed it to be 'sickening', 'harrowing' and 'the most disturbing thing you'll ever see'. What is seen cannot be unseen, I knew that from Audition, which stayed with me for several hours afterwards and which I wouldn't be keen to see again. I viewed the trailer and thought, "oh god, how terrifying". I was creeped out by the (very clever) poster (see first image). The more I imagined about The Human Centipede the worse I felt and after a few horrible dreams there was nothing else for it...I had to see the film for myself.

What followed showed me that if the premise for a film is so horrendous, torturous and truly a fate worse than death, the end result is a tame affair. What my imagination presented was 20 times worse than anything in The Human Centipede. I think sometimes a premise is just too stupid to truly offend.

With a standard horror opening (2 hotties break down on a rainy night and end up getting 'help' at the house of the only psycho in town), the film then goes a way which is at least original. It's certainly a bold story but cannot be stretched to its 91 minute running time. The psycho the girls have stumbled on is a crazed surgeon who "hates human beings" and after 4 minutes in his company I was sure that director Tom Six had made The Human Centipede with a twinkle in his eye (he proclaims the film to be "100% medically accurate" which either makes him a funny prankster filmmaker or a needs-to-be-locked-up mad man). The film is high-camp and anyone who views it as a genuinely terrifying horror is missing the point. The doctor intends to stitch the girls plus a loud Japanese man together, mouth-to-anus to create a single digestive system. Stupid, yes?

Following a laughable escape attempt and the operation itself (surprisingly lacking in any gore...this film doesn't present us with much blood and no poo) there isn't much for the human centipede to do. The doctor makes it walk around on all fours a bit which looks really creepy for about 10 seconds and eventually the front of the centipede defecates in to the mouth of the girl behind, who reacts by unrealistically looking horrified, rather than pulling away really hard, ripping her stitches before vomiting uncontrollably. I think if someone did a poo in my mouth I'd be sick immediately. Hopefully I'll never have to find out if all I'd do would be to look horrified. This scene is the infamous scene in the film and by that time you're just kind of bored. The doctor is by far the most interesting thing on screen and even his self-consciously schlock-horror performance has grown repetitive by the hour mark.

The final act sees the centipede attempt to escape while 2 cops who make Police Squad look like NYPD Blue search the house. The ending is described by a couple of people I know as one of the bleakest things they've ever seen. I don't want to spoil the final image but...it isn't any bleaker than what it's preceded by.  In fact I'd say it's a very low-key, who-cares ending compared to the film's initial promise of shock and terror. Also, again without giving anything away, how the final image comes about is extremely contrived and made me do a smug little eye-roll.

I'm not saying The Human Centipede has failed. As a yukky, original black comedy chiller, a sort of pastiche on the torture porn made popular by Eli Roth et al it succeeds (if a little dull in the middle hour). And for a film called The Human Centipede you never care particularly for any of the humans involved. A few moments where the centipede is left alone and they wordlessly grasp each other's hands are semi-affecting, but never enough to make you take the film seriously. It does however look fantastic. It's very well shot and the stark lines of the house setting make for a distinctive look. How much of this is an accident and how much is down to Six's skill as a director remains to be seen. Time will tell...The Human Centipede II - Full Sequence is out later this year, promising to be 100% medically inaccurate. I, for one, can't wait (to view it for free, ain't paying for this shit).

All in all a bizarre little film that's merits are not in its shocking, disturbing imagery but more in the way that at least an original film that is having a little wink at the audience (no pun intended...ha ha, anus) has been made and recognised. As a piece of horror it doesn't succeed. As a serious chiller it doesn't succeed. But as a high-camp, tongue-in-cheek (PUN!), oddity it does succeed. It has more in common with The Rocky Horror Picture Show than with Audition or Hostel.